Lately this topic has been one I vowed to publish my independent opinion on due to coming into contact with SEVERAL individuals from my culture that have decided this way of living is the most organic and even holistic way of carrying out long-term relationships. I’ve had the honor of speaking to a woman that believes polygamist relationships are about “sharing and trust” and a man that feels polygamy is not about a LACK of commitment but an even “GREATER commitment”. Neither is FALSE! But what do you think?
Without wanting to delve to deeply into Christianity or religion I must say, multiple times in the Bible men had several wives and this was acceptable as long as he was prepared to care for them all in the same fashion. In today’s day and age this would be the equivalent of paying 2 women’s bills as well as catering to their individual wants and desires and children!
I don’t know about YOU and no disrespect to my spouse but I have yet to find a male that can handle ONE woman most days. Why on earth would you want 3? And as far as multiple households, men now days are griping about CHILD SUPPORT! While I can understand that through open communication and trust, a sense of unity and even mutual concern could grow between persons to include romantic feelings; however, as a woman’s NATURAL territorial instincts kick in how are the feelings of inadequacy, betrayal or neglect not taken into consideration?
Also while addressing biblical implications it can not go without say that when multiple wives were involved there was also usually some DRAMA!!! Whether one felt the other wife was having more children than the her or one wife was prettier it drove the man involved CRAZY! So besides a man’s lustful pleasures and even mental escape when one woman is getting on his nerves perhaps the other is in a better mood, what are the TRUE GAINS of a polygamous relationship FOR A WOMAN?
I am unsure of if my lense has been contoured to seeing predominantly African-American individuals involved in relationships such as these, I am sure ALL cultures have citizens with this unique way of understanding and feeling about love, more often I have witnessed these persons to be Muslim or of other religious backgrounds other than Christianity.
However, I can only speak for MY RACE and MY CULTURE so with that being said as a BLACK WOMAN I CAN NOT IMAGINE knowing or seeing my husband with ANOTHER WOMAN and count it as sharing, trust, commitment or any other thing other than cheating and betrayal of his vows to have and to hold ME AND ONLY ME! Marrying multiple individuals has been ABOLISHED and you can now even be sent to jail if it is found that you have done so. So why would it be ok to have multiple members that you are sexually active with and:
1) Not pay their bills
2) Not be Married to them
3) Not be able to cater ALL of their unique needs and desires?
This picture was taken from the IG page of a friend of mine that I have discussed this topic with on numerous occasions. To my delight never becoming irritated or tired of my seemingly bottomless questions and inquiries. The picture depicts a Black Woman standing as Queen while insinuating that if you play the game of chess and find yourself with more than ONE Queen you know the power and energy you posses in life as well as in the game.
Where the issue lies is…Life is a DIFFERENT sort of game. While I can NOT say life is NOT a game I can say that it is a DIFFERENT sort in the sense that these pieces have actual FEELINGS! In the book “Virtue of Selfishness” written by Ayne Rande she discusses a unique yet genuinely true understanding of levels within the imagination of “selfishness”. As I utilize the term Selfishness I do so as she did to insinuate “ones preoccupation with self against preoccupation with others”.
To put it in layman’s terms you would never call a plant selfish because it hogs all the sun and water and thrives on. Or a weasel selfish for catching a mouse for itself and dragging it back to its hole instead of giving it to you! However, amongst HUMANS selfishness is based on an imaginary code of Ethics that some have chosen NOT to adhere to and to follow the beat of their own drums so to speak. In relevance to the theory of Ayne Rande to utilize the term “selfishness” in the most basic of ways TECHNICALLY it would be SELFISH to feel you are the ONLY ONE for another and they are not able to have multiple soulmates or companions. Would it not be selfish to confiscate the other person’s choice of intimacy?
On the other hand “selfishness” from my perspective I would find it selfish of my husband to believe he needed MORE than ONE woman. Most times polygamous relationships consist of ONE man and multiple WOMEN. I have heard of this being reversed but not as often. Never have I seen multiple men involved with the same women harmoniously and being ok with this arrangement unless it was only a temporary set up for a GANG BANG video. What are we missing about polygamy that is better than the “old fashion way” of having ONE person to share your life and love with that was made JUST for you? ♥️
How do you maintain control of a polygamous relationship and it not become a man with MULTIPLE women whenever it’s convenient?
If other men are involved with the women how does it not just become a “situationship” where NOBODY is really involved and it is just a group of individuals that KNOW OF one another and that they are also intimate with their partner lol.
Feel free to comment your thoughts on this but please remain respectful as always! Thank you for reading!