My sister and I had an interesting conversation at the brim of the new year, right before passing into 2021 and seemingly only pushing the door too with our foot. Not slamming it closed as we usually would with full force and permanence. But instead leaving just a small gap right where the door and the crown molding meet. The conversation was about my candor and extreme honesty in regards to things, people, places and actions of others that I do not approve of or find to be suitable for me or my presence. She sat in my car for nearly two hours, half exhausted with trying to drive her explanation home and half truly feeling she was reaching a new peak she had never reached previously with me, in the sense that I was even taking the time to listen to her thoughts regarding my outlook on life.
She lit her herbal concoction and inhaled deeply, searching the horizon for the next statement, unsure of how to make me “understand” that “the way I am” is simply “wrong”. I too searched for better explanations for “why I am the way I am” and not changing anytime soon. She exhaled slowly before starting again “Like…you just cant simply cut someone off because of what they are doing in their personal life that has nothing to do with you, especially if they have something of value that means more to your success or outcome mentally, physically, emotionally or financially”. I listened to what she said and thought deeply to myself before asking her “what could someone I do not agree with in how they live have that I could find so valuable, that I would not be able to get it elsewhere without the negative vibe or energy?”. “Are they the only person in the world with ANYTHING I could possibly need, that I must subject myself to them and their actions endlessly to obtain it?” She sat and thought before responding with a deep breath, “No, it’s not that you cant get it from somewhere else but why go through the hassle when you already have someone with it?”. Whether it be friendship, affection, love or support it should NEVER come with a side dish of grief or disrespect.
To me this is the same example as sticking your hand in a bee hive for natural honey when you could simply buy it from the store. No stings, no bites, no hassle and less mess! My energy is not for everyone and never has been, for this I am unapologetic. Some take me to be extremely judgmental and over-confident. This is often the critic thrown by those less confident and often feeling like the object of judgment either by myself or others. THIS AGAIN HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME!! The best take away in the year of 2020 was to “take nothing personally”. Even those that wrong you or take you for granted, it is simply NOT YOUR FAULT and has nothing to do with you! However, not to judge a tree by the fruit it bares would be going against not only my spirituality and relationship with the most high, but my own personal laws and truths I have found throughout the years through the suffering of trials, tribulations and circumstances that could have possibly been avoided by standing on this one idea that YOU DONT HAVE TO LIKE EVERYONE OR DEAL WITH THEM FOR ANYONES SAKE!
While I agree it is dangerous and naive to live one’s life purely based on stigma’s, it is also more ignorant not too. It does not make me a “Judgey Judy” because I have chosen to cut individuals out of my life whether they have something I find valuable or not due to the fact that I find MORE value in MYSELF! I do not need to play nice, deal with, tolerate messiness, moodiness, inconsistency, instability, negativity or bad vibes for ANYONE. I apologize that this comes off as finite and unfeeling however, it should in fact mean just the opposite. I care very much and feel extremely deeply, meaning I must preserve my emotions and spiritual well-being at all cost. Not just for myself but for my loved ones and friends that do not drive me to choose.
Before ending this post I must admit whole heartedly that it is NOT ALWAYS THE OTHER PERSONS FAULT we do not click or get along the same. Sometimes it could very well be MINE! I accept full fault and still make the decision to dismiss myself from the scene. The reality is it DOESNT MATTER! We are obviously not the same KIND of people and that is o.k. What isn’t is continuing to try to be when I have worked so hard to be THE KIND OF PERSON I AM.