“The Boy is Mine”… 🔪

Everyone loves to know that their significant other craves their attention, presence, aroma, vibes and aura. Most women even love to have a man that is a bit territorial and protective. Men also have a secret fantasy for “crazy girls” the ones that adore stalking you at work, going through your phone and hacking your social media. “Hey don’t shoot the messenger” I’m just saying, some individuals prefer a tighter leash than others so to speak. I have personally experienced the extremes of these dimensions up to and including being threatened at my place of employment by an ex, being stalked, being in a car chase for life and having to file a restraining order. So now I ask, “where is the line in the sand” between playful aggressive behavior and full blown FATAL ATTRACTION?. I was not one bit turned on by the occurrence of any of this! I was not driving 120 mph down a freeway trying to escape my crazed ex thinking “boy I never felt more alive”. In fact I thought I was actually going to die!

While it is usually understood at the start of a union that there is a certain level of respect necessary between two individuals in a relationship of some sort, it is often times NOT understood the boundaries each person abides by or feels are necessary. It is important to speak candidly about this as soon as the relationships begins to get “serious”. This includes: hanging out often (2-3x a week), talking or conversing on the phone daily, kissing often, spending the night and quality time after hours watching movies and eating popcorn, going out to eat together and calling them “dates” exchanging the words “I LOVE YOU” as well as having sex MORE THAN A ONE NIGHT STAND!!! I must say that not all people feel the examples I presented as traits of a “serious relationship” are true. Some feel NONE of these things mean a thing overall when describing or determining the intensity of a kinship. All I can say to this is THEY ARE USUALLY ONES THAT GET THE CRAZY INDIVIDUALS ON THEIR TEAM!!! I would probably be one of them if I ran across a person that did not think I constituted a level of loyalty and respect after ALL THIS!

However, this post is not about those that have commitment issues and lack substance regarding what a REAL relationship should consist of. This post is for those that are fine with boundaries, rules and loyalty for their significant other, only issue is their significant other TAKES THINGS TOO FAR! Some characteristics to look out for and not to take lightly when dating or entering a monogamous relationship are:

1) Controlling- What to wear, what to eat, what to do, where to go, how to act and who you can be around.

2) Abusive- Physical, Mental or Emotional abuse is NEVER OK, it is NEVER FUNNY and it will NEVER ONLY HAPPEN ONCE!!! Don’t believe the hype that they did not mean it or will never do it again because they will and it will continue until you pull the plug or decide enough is enough.

3) Hypocritical- Some abusive or aggressively dominant adults have a hard time practicing what they preach surprisingly. Some often lay out laws, rules and regulations that they themselves are not able to abide by. For example: They never want you to go to the club alone, yet they go alone all the time and blame it on the fact that YOU don’t know how to act, but they do, or YOU are not able to be trusted yet they are.

4) Unstable- Personality disorders are alot more common than most realize, most times we joke around and tell someone they must be bi-polar due to going from one extreme of happiness to the next extreme of deep depression for example if they suddenly think of something sad such as a lost loved one, a failed marriage, a severed relationship etc. These personality fluctuations are normal and come once in a while however, if your significant other constantly has mood swings that include: lashing out physically, yelling, screaming, spewing demeaning comments about you or leaving the relationship only to beg for you to come back. These behaviors are a level of instability that you should NOT be obligated to deal with in your personal life.

5) History- I am a firm believer not to judge a book by its cover and lets face it all of us have a past. If your significant other has a history of being physically abusive, having drinking issues, being a drug-abuser or any other inappropriate conduct this must be seriously considered before accepting a deeper relationship status offer. Also you should first think of these instances before entering a romantic relationship with them AT ALL!

Published by Some Dope Black Girl Writes....

"Some dope black girl writes" is inspired by the everyday life of a melanated, educated and sophisticated young woman living in an era where she is too young to remember slavery, segregation or "White's Only" locations but now old enough to be terrified at what may come again. Are our people strong enough this time to LIVE not just survive?

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