Non-Verbal communication accounts for a whopping 93 percent of what is understood between two individuals. If we rest in a moment of thought about the fact just presented, we will find that it is not all that hard to believe. Of course I would have guessed somewhere over half, if someone would have asked me “do you know what percentage you still communicate with others without ever saying a word”. My response would have been 50%, 65% even as high as 70 but no…..only 7 % of what comes out of your mouth means anything when you truly think about it. This is disheartening to know when I think if all the times I searched for the “perfect words”. Now when applied to our everyday lives how does this change EVERYTHING!
The main people you think you may be fooling for example the neighbor that talks too much causing you stop going to the mailbox the same time they do, mowing the lawn while they are out planting flowers or walking their dog. Now you simply look pre-occupied with the speck of lint on your jacket when they look your way trying to get your attention or give a half hearted wave and false sad facial gesture to communicate “you wish you had time to chat but you gotta run” as you back out of the driveway and make as little eye contact as possible. You learn to check the mail when you get home at 5 pm, knowing they will not be there waiting to tell you all about how their dog coughed up another one of their cats hairballs. One day you look out your window and the neighbor grabs their mail without even giving your home a second look, even if you are leaving while they collect their mail like you have routinely done to avoid interaction, they seem to only briefly glance your way and offer the same half wave you have done the past several weeks and return to their door unaffected by your presence as they once were.
How about at work, the person you attempt to avoid so that you do not have to deal with their incompetence or lack of ever knowing what to do or what they should be doing. You mosey to your office with a brief “Good Morning” chipper enough not to be pursued and asked “whats wrong” because what is truly wrong is YOU DON’T LIKE TO BE BOTHERED BY THEIR PRESENCE! Yet and still here they come, down the hall to your office to intrude on the crumb of piece you thought you’d obtain by not being as approachable or interactive. When the co-worker hangs in your doorway, ready to ramble off their list of questions, comments, concerns and complaints that have absolutely nothing to do with you, you try to hide your look of disdain behind your paper face mask (Covid Precaution number one and LIFESAVER for people like me that can’t hide facial expressions any other way than covering half my face) and not seem as annoyed as you actually are that they exist and are HERE, RIGHT NOW. However, somehow they begin to realize you don’t necessarily want them around. They stop coming to your office and find another supervisor or employee to torture. You are outrageously happy and appeased that they have moved on but, could you have signaled that they should stop bothering you in some way?
Last example but by far not the most uncommon are the people you actually PRETEND to like. The people you try to be “alright” with because they hold some sort of importance in your life (or so you feel). These individuals can be family members, friends of the family, associates that would like to be more etc. You smile your best smile, wave your best wave and attempt to speak when necessary to avoid any feelings of doubt that you are one of their best accomplices all the while knowing deep down you would not feel any type of way if they vanished or decided to “cut you off” sometimes you even wish they would so you wouldn’t be the one to say “hey, I really don’t like how you feel to me energy wise and I think it would be best if we never spoke again unless it came down to life or limb”. Then one day your prayers are answered, they no longer call, text, stop by or attempt to interact with you in any way other than what is needed. There is a part of you that wonders if they caught on to your true feelings or if someone may have hipped them to your disdain for their existence.
The truth is all in the ENERGY and non-verbal communication. Some may choose to be naive to this truth and feel that energy, vibe, aura, hints, signs and clues are pointless to attempt to decode or utilize as a form of measurement when deciding whether or not to continue to pursue a person’s friendship, presence or attention; these individuals are in reality choosing to cut off or ignore a basic and important primitive skill passed down from our ancestors ancestors. The “knowing” that something is not right, especially when around a certain person(s). In other words the ENERGY IS FXCKED UP! Be real with yourself and if you feel obliged let the person know also that you will be distancing yourself for personal reasons. You do not have to go into detail about all the things they have done knowingly or unknowingly. If not then just stop faking the funk because eventually those non-verbal communications and F’d up vibes will either get the best of you or you will simply continue to suffer alone, they wont because 9/10 they have already picked up on the clues and decided they were fine with the awkwardness as long as you are. Free yourself and the space being utilized by individuals that do not compliment you and who you truly are.