“There is a crisis of UNPRECEDENTED MAGNITUDE in the black community, one that goes to the very heart of its survival, THE BLACK FAMILY IS FAILING!!” (Rangel, Black Families Are In A State of Emergency, 2005). An issue a mist the black community that is rarely publicized or spoken about is the phenomenon of the “Single Black Mother”. More times than not we see single mother’s and assume that they are strong, independent and defying all odds for the greater good of her child(ren). At times it even seems that amongst the black community, being a black single mother renders a certain level of respect and accolades amongst the black culture. Often times it is ASSUMED that the woman is doing it “all alone” due to the father not being present or rarely involved with the child BY CHOICE rendering the mother the SOLE caretaker of the child or children. We seldom stop to think of any other logical explanation for the racial skew of BLACK women as single mothers amongst other races of women, other than that the father’s MUST be deadbeats somewhere living their “best lives” child free. Meanwhile, the woman is left to work 2 -3 jobs slaving away in spite of child support and government assistance to make a living for herself and her seed, still managing to keep her hair, nails and toes DONE!
Some mothers GLADLY post HAPPY FATHER’S DAY TO ME! As a slight and bash at the men they decided to CREATE children with insinuating that she is BOTH, mother and father to her child. Without drowning in the NUMEROUS reasons this could never be emotionally, mentally or PHYSICALLY correct the issue remains as OTHER women congratulate and applaud this sort of behavior.
But what if I told you this was FAR from the truth for some and that an even more grim situation is happening RIGHT before our eyes within our community that has continued to CRIPPLE and sabotage the BLACK FAMILY UNIT for generations and generations while being disguised as a badge of honor and resilience. What if I told you some of the children being raised by “single Mothers” have been “DOMESTICALLY KIDNAPPED” and the father does not even KNOW where they ARE; due to SIMPLY no longer being with the MOTHER!!
I am not referring to the normal definition of kidnapping as taking someone else’s child and holding them for a ransom. I am referring to a mother that PURPOSELY keeps the children away from their father for any reason other than imminent abuse or neglect! In the state of Georgia if a couple is not married and a child is conceived the mother is automatically awarded full custody of the child rendering the father powerless of any legal or detrimental decisions for the child. Visitation is often left to the judgement of the parents involved which most times than not results in the father rarely if ever seeing his children. The father pays child support without the mother being held to any law regarding visitation for the father. There have been several circumstances where the mother has purposely refrained from allowing the father to interact or visit with his children due to entering a new relationship, having bitter or residual feelings for the father or choosing to move out of the city or state!
Recently while scanning snapchat I came across a post from a friend of mine that was enraptured at the decision of the court to FINALLY award him custody of his twin children. He gritted his teeth into the camera and spit “YES!!! YES!!!! I FINALLY GET TO GET MY KIDS!!!!!!!! ……… The energy and power of his confession was even more moving due to personally knowing his family and witnessing the love, nurture and support they give to their shared children. They seem to be adventurous and whimsical but most importantly NON JUDGEMENTAL! It seems they have RELEASED their children of the obligation to “make them proud” and to instead choose to be THEMSELVES (Tyquaile, Shamiria, 2022), which is the greatest gift ANY parent could give their child. I can not imagine not being able to share the same life with ALL of my children due to a misunderstanding or romantic misfortune between two ADULTS!
Could you imagine not knowing where your child is or what is happening to them? Who they are interacting with and having an influence over their lives instead of you? Could you imagine laying awake at night wondering what they are thinking about you and if you will ever see them again. Could you imagine awaiting the day you can touch them or hold them again however, afraid of what they have learned to feel about a situation that was out of your control? Could you wonder for the rest of your life if you will ever truly have a relationship or bond with the most IMPORTANT person/people in your life? While the person that took them carried on as a HERO?
IF THE ANSWER TO THIS IS NO then IMAGINE what it must feel like for a father who’s children were/are BEING TAKEN AWAY FROM THEM!! If you are a black woman CLAIMING to be a SINGLE MOTHER however, aware that the father of your children would DEARLY want to see or visit with his kids YOU ARE NOT A SINGLE MOTHER! You should be a FELON!
Women that are friends with “SINGLE MOTHERS” that are purposely not being home, in town or blatantly keeping them apart from their fathers, stop being afraid to tell your FRIEND that she is not ONLY hurting the father but she is hurting her CHILDREN and leaving them to be CONFUSED later in life when they DO SEEK OUT THEIR FATHERS side of the story, WHICH THEY WILL….You will have much explaining to do and if things do not add up you will have worn the badge of SINGLE MOTHER only to later pay the price of being a SELFISH MOTHER instead.
Women if you are with a man that has children of which he pays child support for and has not seen in YEARS, do not disregard or attempt to gaslight his situation! He is NOT OK! There is a process to getting custody and visitation with your kids however, it is not an overnight program and does take time! If he is wanting to begin the grueling process of locating his children DO IT WITH HIM IF YOU TRULY SUPPORT HIM! You would want him to support YOU if it was YOUR CHILD!!!
Last but NOT least, if you are a father that has lost your children in a bitter emotional drama and feel helpless or powerless in life as your kiddos grow and learn without you, you are NOT alone! There are many other men dealing with the SAME emotional dilemma as well. IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO START THE PROCESS contact the courts today in regards to your children and how to set up scheduled visitation if you are paying child support for them. Believe it or not you do have an obligation STILL to your children, it may seem that they are “gone” and all you can do is stand by and wait…but it’s not TRUE. YOU CAN FIGHT AND YOU SHOULD!!!